Dev Team : Need more monkeys

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Sorry we’re out. Will trap recruit more at next Developer Conference.

– Human Resources

And they think I’m grouchy on weekends for no reason. Let’s bring in some perspective, shall we?

Needed :

  • User management
  • Article management
    • Comment management
  • Discussion board
    • Forum management
    • Topic/Post management
  • Document management
    • Granular privileges/Edit restrictions

Most mortals will look at this list and think “Portal”. Well, that’s essentially what it is with some minor tweaks. It was for an intranet and the deadline is a week.

Are we using something off the shelf?
Nope.
Are we using something appropriate?
Nope.

Are we going to waste time/money/people (literally) trying to build something from scratch that will try to do things 10x longer than that list?
You betcha!

2 Programmers alone could have finished all of this in a day with time to spare for meals and coffee, but since we’re a “team”, I have to put up with the most inane BS ever to come out of an orifice… on a face. I feel lucky though, since I’m only handling data access, I won’t be dealing with the brunt of the feature flood though I’m sure I’ll have to write some OR/Mapper because “off-the-shelf” is “untrustworthy”. Yay me!

I swear, the vast majority of projects that fail are directly the result of bosses and project managers not knowing what the devil it is they are doing. I propose mandatory Ritalin® prescriptions for these people so we don’t get interrupted every hour by “Ooh shiny new feature. We must implement it!!”

I’ve been trying to convince people to stay focused for most of this year with no effect.

The next time you’re given a list of requirements and a programmer and/or project manager stands up to insist on a new feature before the core is complete, put him in a straight jacket and throw him out the window.

I will guarantee the liability and injury costs will be nothing compared to how much money will be saved by not having him aboard.

Disclaimer

Eksith Rodrigo isn’t actually a licensed lawyer, but he does know throwing someone out of a window in a straight jacket might constitute grounds for a lawsuit.

Reader discretion is advised.

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