Dear Starbucks: I want MORE Cochineal Extract in my Drink

Update (see bottom)  – Starbucks caved in.

There’s an uproar over Starbucks using cochineal extract as a food dye alternative rather than synthetic dyes. Frankly, I’m very pleased by this, though I’m sure people allergic to it aren’t too happy. In fact, according to the MSNBC report, the FDA requires companies make this clear so people who don’t want to or can’t tolerate it can avoid it.

What got me was that the uproar wasn’t really from people allergic to it, but it was from vegans like this one.

Daelyn Fortney isn’t the only one that has an issue with cochineal extract as proven by the fact that as of today, there are more than 2,100 signatures on the petition linked by her.

OMG! It's a burning cross on my lawn!!

Dear Vegans:

Stop going to Starbucks.

In fact, stop going to any establishments that have catered to us filthy, disgusting, heathen, vicious carnivores who have enjoyed them in the past and may continue to do so. We would also like to continue to enjoy our lives without your asinine health-affirmative-action ruining them just so you may continue to exercise your lifestyle choice.

You see, unlike being black or gay, I can magically ruin your day — and the very fiber of your being, apparently — by forcing you to eat honey. Sweet delicious honey. Which means your outrage isn’t about something worthwhile; especially worth taking away the choices of countless others. My right to pursue happiness overrides your habit of unwarranted self-importance.

There are quite literally thousands of alternative stores that cater to your needs and cochineal extract is a far more preferable alternative to the synthetic crap that goes into every other food product in the market. In fact, you may find it beneficial to make your own beverages as that will virtually ensure there are no animal products being used.

This is what my mom does (even with her crazy schedule) and she’s healthier than I am.

I also found it amusing that they snuck in the religion flag as according to the petition, “the drinks are not safe for those following a kosher diet.” Fun fact: Although cochineal may not be, grasshoppers are Kosher (and roasted ones are quite tasty), but still not appropriate for vegans. That should tell you something about vegans.

Now it’s 5:30AM. Time for bed.

Update 8:00AM

Apparently Fortney’s post is not loading…

So here’s the Google cache instead.

Taken this morning...

Update 8:05AM

OK… It’s loading again. I guess that was a temporary glitch.

Update April 21

Well, it looks like Starbucks is caving in to hysteria and undue pressure from grossed out Americans and switching the coloring to a tomato based alternative. I’ll leave you this to show how silly it all was compared to what “eating bugs” really entails.