RE: Jack the Ripper Mystery: Where were you in 1888?

I’m normally not compelled to present alibis to such a degree, but considering how serious the crimes were, I must break from tradition as a preemptive measure. In the interest of full disclosure, I will prove to Jesus Budda, that I am in fact not Jack the Ripper (or one of his copycats) by accounting for my whereabouts from 1888 to today…

I’m fairly certain I was a farmer in Kinshasa, Africa near the Congo at the time. I was tending my crops in preparation for the harvest, while being yelled at by parents for being slow and lazy. I wasn’t either! I was tired!!

Then on February 3rd, 1900, I ran into a Lion.
Human vs. Lion, Lion-1 : Human-0.

And then I was born a carpenter’s son in Krasnoyarsk, Russia (Great! From molten to frozen). On January 4, 1917, I went out to shovel some snow to clear a path to the shed. It was bloody cold!

And that’s when I came across a Siberian Tiger.
Human vs. Tiger, Tiger-1 : Human-0.

And then I was born as a shepherd in Thane, India. More precisely, a shepherd who just wanted to get out of my chores and sneak ride on the steam locomotives. Those things are loud, dirty and cool! On July 13, 1935, I decided to make a move…

While jumping over the fence on my way to the station, I turned around and was staring down a full grown bull elephant.
Human vs. Elephant, Elephant-1 : Human-0.

Then, I was born to a modest family in Winona, Minnesota. Nothing special there, just your average family. Dad was injured during WWII, but still managed to hold down a job as a mechanic. And mom was helping to pay the bills with her piano lessons. I just floated around through high school and college(St. Mary’s), after which, I took a job at a lumber yard (desk job, of course. I’ve been allergic to hard labour for many consecutive lifetimes).

I was coming home from another uneventful day on August 12, 1967 (the longest I’ve been alive that I can remember), when on my path was a Timber Wolf (irony?).
Human vs. Wolf, Wolf-1 : Human-0.

I spent the next few years haunting uncle Fred who always kept nagging me, while I was alive, with his stupid guitar and off-key songs after coming home drunk. But, sadly, the fun came to an abrupt end during the month of December, 1981, when suddenly they performed an exorcism… Bastards!
Ghost vs. Uncle Fred, Uncle Fred-1 : Ghost-0.

Well, 9 months later, I landed in this lifetime. Born to a middle class family in Colombo, Sri Lanka.

…Or so I think, my memory of those lifetimes is a bit vague.
I should really stop picking the losing side…

But, as you can see, my whereabouts are all accounted for. Of course all the witnesses may have been dead for decades, but I can prove I wasn’t Jack. Besides, I didn’t even know English in 1888 so I couldn’t have possibly written the infamous notes signed “Jack”.

Considering Jesus Budda has a time machine, I’m sure he can verify these statements for himself. I’ve tried to be as descriptive as possible (as far as my memory allows).

Now that narrows it 6.8 billion potential suspects at the time of this post…

7 thoughts on “RE: Jack the Ripper Mystery: Where were you in 1888?

  1. Hey, I remember you. We were neighbours back in Thane. Wondered where you’d been.

    Always had you pegged for a serial killer though.


  2. Ram, I had the same suspicions about Eksith too!
    What a coincidence!!!

    The fact taht you did not speak or write English is not that important as those letters form Jack the Ripper were mostly written by loony’s and pranksters!

    But I’ve looked up your past lives and can confirm that you are not wanted for questioning in connection with the Whitechapel murders.
    Maybe I could tie you in with the Zodiac Killer Investigation i’m hoping to re-open or that you, Mr. Eksith, are in fact an impostor posing as the real Eksith!

    You can rest easy – for now.
    But I’ll be watching your moves, sonny!

    • Oh, I can most certainly verify that I am in fact me.

      When I look in the mirror, my face looks exactly like the picture in my passport and that has been verified as not being forged. Verified thrice actually. Also my prints are the same from those I left behind in Colombo. No way anyone could forge those.

      As for the Zodiac Killer, I was in Minnesota for some time during the murders(my time cards and several photos can confirm this). And during the rest of the murders, I was a ghost.

      It’s a well known fact that ghosts only haunt locations they’re attached to, and I was no where near California from 1967 to 1981 during my time as a hauntee.

  3. While I don’t personally believe in reincarnation, that belief has no impact on whether or not it’s actually true. As such, I wish I knew so much about my own possible history. :/

    By the way, I’m “borrowing” your general disclaimer and putting it in my CMS. I hope you don’t mind.

    • Forget your eyes, boredome is the ultimate window into the soul ;)

      Sure you can use the disclaimer. In fact, you can use whatever else you need/want here without any restrictions… er… except for the spirit of disclaimer ;)

  4. @ MAgsol: “As such, I wish I knew so much about my own possible history. :/”

    – Oh, I’m busy investigating that!

    Happy belated birthday, BTW.

    Eksith, : “Forget your eyes, boredome is the ultimate window into the soul ;)”

    How true…..yawn……….

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