Stick “Enterprise” somewhere in the title

… And people will flock to it like nobody’s business.

I once worked for a product placement company (whose name I will withhold), where I had to come up with a tracking and placement monitor(a combined bookmarker, scheduler and time-tracker on steriods) and improve the previous measuring tool used to track the duration, location, and proximity of a product live, in video. To my delight, I was given the opportunity to take a look inside the previous tool.

The level of bloat and hackish spaghetti in there was beyond belief! And the internationalization? Don’t even get me started. When did job security become such a high priority that we’re willing to create absolute garbage just to be needed in the future?

This goes a long way to prove my hypothesis that 50% – 70% of programmers are con-artists.
Yes, I’m taking a big risk in bashing my own field, but it seems people will come up with problems that don’t exist, only to create solutions for them and charge extra. And let’s not forget the planned obsolescence, because any year it works without an upgrade, is a year without a pay-raise.

The product placement company was cheated so well, they ended up having to redo the whole thing from scratch. That’s twice the cost of the upgrade (from a different company this time) and all the payments for the original version and maintenance down the drain.

I must ask if people actually listen to what they say or have they memorized the marketing jargon so well, that independent thought is impsossible at this point. Or why else would someone come up with the most menial and basic functionality one would expect from a device or method beyond the Stone-Age, put the word “Enterprise” in the product title or description and expect the target audience to ooh and aah.

I.E. I need to be notified when an employee finishes a job and the time it took to finish. Super. I also need to setup schedules and resolve job conflicts. How about an added calender too? Great. Any time-tracker grandma can write will have these features, but the Enterprise version comes with free eyecandy and guranteed inaccessibility to all mobile devices.

Oh! And while we’re at it, let’s do a lovely, vendor, bow tie in for our package so that it will look nice for Christmas.

Buyers and clients take note:
If what a piece of software does is described as “magic” as in the “you don’t need to know how it works” variety, stay far away! If they can’t describe to you exactly how it does what it does in plain English, there’s something fishy going on. And no, they don’t need to give away any trade secrets to come up with an explanation. That’s just a smoke screen for poor workmanship.


3 thoughts on “Stick “Enterprise” somewhere in the title

  1. Pingback: 50% To 70% Of all Programmers are con-artists « This page intentionally left ugly

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