The Zen of Programming… And other pretentious nonsense.

The saddest thing in the world; Sadder than Noah’s Ark full of puppies hitting an iceberg in the North Sea, is the sound of deaf ears clamoring for old news and stale rhetoric. Leaving aside, that incredibly ridiculous (and redundant) exaggeration, my point remains valid: We have lost our way as programmers and few, if any, seem to care or notice.

Code may be poetry (*cough*), but code for its sake is incredibly arrogant.

We are the operators that make our machines build tennis shoes from chunks of coal. We are the are the whistlers who make the herd return in danger. We are the shufflers who make the games more interesting… And we suck!

 Since when did our ego exceed our capabilities at our job? When we loved to embrace initials and turn them into words.

  • SQL as Seequil or seequel
  • WYSIWYG as Weezeewig
  • SAS and SATA as Saas and saataa
  • And a myriad of other turmor inducing concoctions that prove, we have forgotten that the machines serve us. And we serve the owners of said machines.

Let the point sink in folks :
We are only as useful as our capabilities. And our existence is justified by the need to make machines work for us.
Our needs are the needs of the mission. Our technical gobeldygook has no place in civilized conversation.

If you have trouble explaining what you have in mind for a project in plain (insert name of native tongue), then it is far too complex and need to be reevaluated. Don’t try to impress the boss or client with how much you know. Show them how much you can accomplish given the schedule and budget and, for God’s sake, Shut up about the “art of programming”!

Programming, in essence, is a translation.

You have a goal of getting the machine to do something for you, and you translate the needs from (insert name of native tongue) to machine tonge. Then the machine, assuming you have translated correctly, goes about its merry way doing what you translated. Or not if you are a poor translator. That’s it!

That’s about as complex as our job gets. Anything else you add to it, if it serves no purpose, should be an alarm to let the air out a bit.

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