Cellular walkie-talkie users needed to save the world!

If you’re using one of those terribly useful, talk anywhere, cellular (NEXTEL et al…) walkie-talkies all the time, then I all need you to answer the following questions. Your immediate response and positive reaction may save civilization and the world itself.

  • Are you a contractor at a job site?
  • Are you an engineer at an excavation or structure?
  • Are you an emergency medic on call?
  • Are you an off duty police officer?
  • Are you a worker checking safety equipment or at another industrial job?
  • Are you on a conference with family members while expecting a delivery of a new baby(ies)?

If you answered NO to all of the above questions, then I implore you to jump in a plane by yourself and fly through this…

The MODIS instrument on NASA's Aqua satellite captured an Ash plume from Eyjafjallajokull Volcano over the North Atlantic at 13:20 UTC (9:20 a.m. EDT) on April 17, 2010.

If a plane is unavailable, drive or hike up there and breath in the fumes or better yet, just jump in.

Please save us from your inane, shrill, babble about buying pork and soda at the supermarket, or getting your teeth cleaned, or that your significant other doesn’t like raspberries, or that your craving for pasta gave you gout.

Please refrain from describing what you can do with enough sausages to fill a phone booth, or how far you think you can spew milk from your nose, or how green that stake was in the freezer after the power went out, or what color your skin was between your toes after you didn’t take off your socks for a week.

Please think of the children when you talk about picking up honies at the club, or that your momma didn’t raise you to be a [vagina], or that Jeffery from accounting can go [fornicate] himself, or that you just passed a badonkadonk the size of a Mack truck.

No one gives a flying intercourse about your personal conversations, so don’t make us listen to them!!!

As of next week, I’m going to start carrying one of those portable cell phone jammers.