Movie of the Week: Class of Nuke ‘em High

A high school located just a mile from a nuclear power plant… what could possibly go wrong? Everything, that’s what! But don’t worry, the school was a cesspool before the inevitable radiation, and that only made things more interesting.

Readin'... Writin' and Radiation! (This poster exaggerates things a bit)

The school is terrorized by a gang composed of punks, lowlifes and cretins who call themselves… the “Cretins” (makes perfect sense). Meanwhile the rest of the school experiences the bizzare after-effects of the radiation by causing horrific mutations and a “thing” that comes out of a girl’s stomach (it’s not a baby).

There isn’t much of a plot to speak of, but these are not the kinds of movies you watch for depth in story. You watch it to watch weird stuff and though this movie delivers in spades, it still doesn’t have same charm of something from John Waters. Don’t get me wrong, it’s still weird, but it’s a bit bereft of the charm, if that’s the operative word, of a John Waters film. Still definitely worth a weekend watch.

Watch the trailer

Warning: The Earth-shattering trailer is heavily narrated to let us know that this movie is about “The Class of Nuke ‘em High” and may contain scenes not appropriate for everyone. Also, it’s 20 kinds of awesome!

Movie of the Week: The Brain that Wouldn’t Die

What happens when a doctor keeps his girlfriend’s accientally severed head alive in desperation and tries to find her replacement bodies? Calamity!

Alive... Without a body... Fed by an unspeakable horror from hell!

The story follows Dr. Bill Cortner (Evers) who has few qualms about radical procedures that at first border on outright human experimentation. We see later how easy it is to cross that line. The movie starts off in the operating room where Dr. Cortner’s dad is the lead surgeon who had just failed to save a patient. The good doctor then takes over from his dad and tries something truly radical “because he’s dead; I can’t do any harm”. It all starts there.

Dr. Cortner’s girlfriend is Jan Compton (Leith), the nurse (naturally) who was present during the “succesful” operation.

The story truly takes a turn for the bizarre when Jan loses her head in horrific car crash and the doctor manages to still keep her head alive, and talking, using a special compound (“Adrenal Serum”) he had invented and other scientific apparatuses. Of course, this still leaves her without a body and the doctor goes body hunting by tracking down attractive women to behead, much to the horror of the Jan-head.

Let me die! Let me die!

Though the film has little gore for the genre, even with a mutated abomination attack, and we’re spared some of the bloody horror. Having said that, there are some interesting dialog in the lab including several memorable lines from Jan’s head juxtaposed with rather amusing pickup lines from the body-shopping doctor.

Released in 1962 (fimed in ’59), the film stars Jason Evers (then going by the name of Herb Evers), Virginia Leith and Leslie Daniel.

Be sure to sidestep the oozing puddles of sexsim even considering the era it was released (like the doctor driving Jan’s car with Jan in the passenger seat) and take it for what it is. Remember this was filmed in the late 50′s.

Watch the trailer

Watch the full movie

This is one of very few older movies that I’ve been able to watch online instead of VHS or DVD due it being in the public domain. Yes, I still keep a VCR, just to watch old movies.

You can also download the whole film at the Web Archive.

Movie of the Week: The Cars That Ate Paris

Every once in a while, I get to watch a movie that really puts things into perspective and brings clarity to my view of society. This isn’t one of them.

The traffic in the township of Paris was murder / They were the cars that ate Paris

This is the story of the small town of “Paris” in middle-of-nowhere Australia, where the residents are causing fatal accidents on purpose to profit from the victims; the unsuspecting visitors. Those who survive the grusome outcome of the locals’ antics — the unlucky ones – are lobotomized and turned into “vegies” and the surgeon has his way with them as medical experiments. The other locals go all Monster Garage on the visitors’ wrecks and turn them into demolition machines for the next round.

That is… until the town’s own unlikely anti-hero turns things around amid the chaos caused by the hotrod hooligans.

Released in 1974, this is an all Australian production and the first feature length movie directed by Peter Weir, better known for his later American films, Dead Poets Society, Master and Commander and The Truman Show.

With a plot that’s a horror-parody of sorts and, although not of the same vibe as Peter Jackson’s Bad Taste, is still just low-budget and ridiculous enough to be thoroughly enjoyable. And just goes to show that directors who make silly low-budget sci-fi/horror/comedy films early in their careers can really surprise you later.

The taglines vary from the original “They were the cars that ate Paris” to the DVD’s “The traffic in the township of Paris was murder”. The American release was retitled “The Cars That Eat People”. If possible, get the original Australian version because it doesn’t have the annoying narrator and is the best one overall.

Watch the trailer

Site of the Week: The Nicest Place on the Internet

Having a bad day? Life just seems too hectic? Need a hug? Looks like you need to visit the Nicest Place on the Internet.

Having one of those days? Yeah, been there too. And sometimes, a little pick-me-up is hard to come by. So come on by to turn the sad into happy and the happy into celebration. Cause this is a nice place to visit on days like today.

On first glance, this would have normally been a place that would make me gag, but what first caught my eye was the brilliantly simple structure of the place. It’s all videos of happy things and hugs from all sorts of people cycling through.

Yeah, even the jadeometer on yours truly went down a notch.