Re: How to succeed at failing

This started off as just a comment to Shannon Quinn’s post “How to succeed at failing” but it got far too long due to my propensity for verbal diarrhea. ;)

Case Study 1

If you’ve ever seen the movie, Men In Black…

Jay, the potential recruit (Will Smith) asks :
“Why the big secret? People are smart. They can handle it.”

Agent-K (Tommy Lee Jones) replies :
“A person is smart. People are dumb, panicky, dangerous, animals and you know it.”

You say “Napoleon’s” words fly in the face of everything you’ve been led to believe of the fraternity. But he is only doing what the fraternity expects of him. Protect the dangerous panicky animal at all cost.
The organization has completely lost sight of what it is and its purpose. But this is nothing more than the byproduct of its own popularity and growth. The original purpose of founding fraternities died out at least a century ago. The members today only exist to validate the organization well past its expiration date and ensure the survival of said organization. The individual members themselves, sadly, fall by the wayside.

I don’t mean to demean something personal to you and what you still seem to hold dear, and I think it isn’t the fraternity itself that has your interest, it’s the people from across the country you’ve been able to meet. But as far as I can see, fraternities and sororities have become Jabba the Hutt. They exist to gorge themselves upon the fresh recruits and control vast influence based on historical roots.

Brotherhood (or sisterhood as is the case with sororities) is a marketing slogan in the same vein as…
“Come work for Jubba! You will have status. You will go places. You will meet people. You will be rich.”

Well, some of that may be true, albeit vastly exaggerated by recruiters, what are you paying for in return? A lot more than a simple fee.

But this isn’t unique to fraternities or sororities. The plague of self-validation is endemic to all organizations where the members themselves have lost sight of whatever it is they hoped to accomplish once they reach a position of authority. It went from “You will meet people” to you will be eaten by the rancor if you don’t behave or do what we want. And if Jabba is any hint, it doesn’t take much to be eaten.

I’m happy for you that you did get some of what was advertized, but I think you payed far too high a price for it. Forget the fees, I’m talking about mutual respect.

Case Study 2

…She needs to go jump in a pool…

This is a classic case of going from knowing nothing to knowing little. Right now, this little knowlege has made her more dangerous to the project itself than to your career prospects. When whoever they hire will make a mess of things (as I doubt they would run into another Joomla insider), she will come to realise the true cost of cheap labour.

Maybe she hired Joanna Gadel… Har! Har!

Project managers in the real world (at least in the “real world” I live in) rarely, if ever, are required to have any technical knowledge of what the devil it is that they are managing. This is because most project owners are also clueless idiots and post the afore mentioned idiots at critcal positions.

The double-ignorance invariably (my new favourite word) leads to spectacular failiures from which the project manager, and sometimes the whole project iteself, never recovers. I know because I’ve been hired to be the replacement project manager to “rescue” several such failures.

You have two options here…

1. Send a rebuttle detailing the true limits of the event horizon surrounding her ignorance.
2. Considering how your hands are already full, succinctly recommend that she get bowed… To put it politely.

Either option, however, will not prevent the inevitable failiure of the project. Maybe you will be lucky enough to see her face when she needs to beg someone else as she has burned her bridges with you.

Conclusion

Of course these people are wrong. But the ultimate slap in the face to anyone who gets in your way is success. In spite of their interference. And by all means… Call them on their BS when you see it.

Is America screwed?

The latest string of Google searches may indicate just that :

Is America...

I didn’t make that up, folks. That’s already what’s posted up on the Internet.

“Is America ready for a black president” and other stupid questions

I’m not here to endorse one politician or another, but these types of questions really run the risk of disproving our status at the top of the food chain. What’s really astounding is the fact that people who ask these types of questions invariably find it impossible to understand why we’re “just 10 hairs away from being baboons” as Lewis Black would say.

Is John McCain too old to become president?

If you were born in the 1800’s when health was so fickle that people rarely lived into their 80’s, then I can forgive you for asking this question. But here in the year 2008 where health care (at least for the wealthy) is unparalleled, and where hundreds of the president’s men are at his guard, this type of question is inexcusable. 

Are we talking about his health really? Or is this some contrived way to give undue attention to his age?

Let’s not forget Regan was 69 when he took office and McCain is 71 now. Aside from the jokes thrown about by comedians, both men were more than capable, mentally, to do the job.

Also John F. Kennedy was wearing a back brace when he was assassinated and Roosevelt spent quite some time in a wheelchair due to Guillain-Barré syndrome. These men were only carefully choreographed to appear perfectly healthy in the public eye. All the more proof that isn’t physical ability that makes a leader in a country like the U.S.

Is America ready for a black president?

Let’s use an analogy shall we?
For new readers to this blog… I’m not white. I’m an Asian of Sri Lankan descent.

Let’s say I went to school with a white kid. We lived in the same neighbourhood, shared the same white picket fence, shared many of the same classes and teachers. We grew up among the same community leaders, shared the same political and socio-economic background and shared many of the same ideals.

Is this really diversity?

If you answered “No”, then congratulations. You understand that “diversity” doesn’t come from different physical appearances. If you answered “Yes”, based purely on the fact that I am of a different race, you’re an idiot.

Aside from a few years in the early part of his life (6 - 10), Obama spent the majority of his youth in Hawaii. And was surrounded by individuals who were anything but what we consider to be part of the “black community”. It wasn’t until 1985 that he was ever a part of this community when he took up the job as director of the DCP (Developing Communities Project). He worked at this post for 3 years.

Though he may have been inspired, influenced by, and for a short time influenced the black community, he wasn’t there long enough. In this regard he’s no different than many of the white leaders of the community. I.E. Bill Clinton who was also inspired, influenced by and to an extent influenced the black community. In fact, he might have influenced the black community far more than Obama. 

But, if you’re looking for any major dispositions on his social stance, Barack Obama, even with his funny middle name, is about as “black” as Brook Sheilds.

Is America ready for a female president?

While the question may be moot for this election, it boggles the mind that the so called Greatest Country on Earth™ and the Land of the Free™ is actually behind India, Pakistan, Sri Lanka, Britain and even Germany when it comes to female leaders of state.

And I’ve already expressed before, my feelings on what it really means to be called an “American”, hence whether it really deserves the title Greatest etc… etc…

Why in the world wouldn’t it be ready? In a nation where women are already in congress, serve in senate and as supreme court justices, what the devil of a difference does gender still have to do with the ability to command a nation?

If you compare the behaviour of many of the past candidates for presidency and, indeed, many of the members in the senate, Clinton’s behaviour is anything but unique. Yet, for some reason, there seemed to be an almost irrational and, in some cases, incredible, hatred of her. I didn’t get it and I still don’t.

How is she any different than any other politician who has run for office? What has she done to provoke the ire of so many commentators?

Did we forget that electing a president is always an excercise in choosing the lesser of two evils?

Is [candidate-x] electable?

This isn’t really a question. This is another way of saying that you must be a popular candidate (I.E. have a lot of connections or are owed a lot of favours) from the two major parties in the U.S. to be elected. Why don’t you stop pussy-footing around and actually come out and say it?

America is not a nation of many parties when it comes to the presidency. There are only two parties as far as the title is concerned and it will remain that way until the Democrats self destruct into a dozen different trbes and/or the Republicans split up into Neo-cons, Christian Conservatives, and Fiscal Conservatives. And yes, the three are most definitely distinct, though there are some cross overs. And generally do hate each other’s guts.

Will the Flip-Flopping™ of [candidate-x] lead to defeat?

Here’s a clue for you people who think heading steadfast on the same course in the face of failure is a good thing…
If you don’t swerve to avoid hitting an oncoming car on the highway, you could die.

If you don’t change tactics or change policy or change your shirt between press appearances the same could happen to your campaign (or if you win, the whole country). Which is why every president in the history of this here land since Washington himself has flip-flopped on something or another.

It’s not cowardice or indecisiveness. It’s called being a better leader by being adaptible to changing situations and information. We don’t want pre-programmed robots running for president (at least not yet). We want fluid, flexible and competent people to apply.

Now dubious reasons for said flip-flopping and the specific topic for which the flip-flopping took place, is another matter entirely. Both of which seem to be ignored by both sides of the spectrum when it comes to political debate. The question isn’t “did [candidate-x] flip-flop”, it’s “why did [candidate-x] flip-flop” and “for which issue(s)”.

Any questions directed at the candidates should reflect this.

———

Of course there are many more stupid questions thrown about on “America’s Election Headquarters™” (whichever channel is claiming the title this hour), but one blog post isn’t nearly enough to plow through all of them.

There’s no such thing as an “Obsolete” OS

Or so say my OS stats.

OS Stats for July, 2008 on eksith.com

What’s really surprising isn’t the fact that I get these hits, but it’s that if my little, insignificant, corer of the web gets these results, then imagine an ultra popular web page. Apparently “Obsolete” is just a term used by tech guys and marketing guys.

All you consumers out there are happy just using what you have. But I hope you keep your systems secure!

And one more surprise this morning; Apparently Germans love me…

Willkommene Deutsch!

I’m not quite sure what it is about my site or blog that Germans find particularly interesting, but welcome anyway!

Cancelling troublesome accounts

I never understood why AOL would still be getting new customers, but many of those will decide they’ve made a terrible mistake. But cancelling once registered, for some people, would seem like climbing Everest.

Of course, a lot of people are already familiar with Vincent Ferrari’s horrific experience. While he’s done a great service to bring this kind of nonsense to the spotlight, it isn’t really necessary for the rest of us to go through it.

And AOL is not alone in engaging in this behaviour though they do get the most flack for it. The same is true for many other ISPs, phone/cable companies and other services.

Those customer service people are specifically trained to behave this way. It is their job to frustrate you as much as possible until you give up the cancellation and continue to make payments (regardless of what a company says is their criteria for acceptable behaviour for employees). Don’t let them do that part of their job.

They can only engage in this if you get into a conversation with them. Always remember… This is not a conversation. It is a command. You are telling them to cancel your account. You are not suggesting they do it or ask for ways they can convince you to stay. As such, no conversation is required.

Of course, you will still go through automated welcome messages, being on hold for half a century, and other automated nonsense, but that’s not something you can control. However, you can control your own actions.

If you want to cancel your account for whatever service and you believe you will be frustrated by the experience, the following procedure will work with any type of account, any type of company and prevent such frustrations. It’s simple, direct and will save you a lot of agony, time and money.

First…
Tell your credit card company that you want all payments to the service to be stopped.

Then call up your service to be cancelled and tell them this…
“I’m calling to cancel my account. I no longer need it. Please cancel it.”

And if they keep talking…
“I’m sorry, but I’m not interested. I’m hanging up the phone now, and I expect the account to be cancelled. I have notified my credit card company to cease payment from today.
Thank you. Have a nice day.”

Don’t be angry or mean; just be direct.

Now if they still haven’t cancelled your account and you get a lovely letter telling you to make back payments, send a succinct reply. Preferably under 400 words.

I suggest the following format. Feel free to edit as necessary :

Dear [company]

I am a former user of your services and my account was [name/number]. I have cancel this account. I called customer service and spoke with [name of sales person] on [date of call] and made it clear I wanted to cancel this account. It was my understanding that [he/she] had done so.

As far as I am concerned the account has been cancelled on that day and I have not used [services] since. I have notified my credit card company to cease all payments to you following the above date. If your records do not reflect the cancellation, then it is an error on your part.

Please rectify your records to reflect the above cancellation.

Thank you.

Sincerely,
[Your name]

That’s it…

No emotion, no frustration, no cursing or flailing. There’s no point, since none of that will move them anyway and you will only succeed in shortening your own life. If they insist on sending you more mails, send them one more reply mentioning your lawyer. They should keep silent from then on. If not, send every subsequent letter from them directly to the shredder.

The only thing a company will really care about, consistently, throughout its entire existence, is money. That is why they have “customer service” in the first place. Not to placate you, but to lull you (or frustrate you) to get your money.

Customer service is there to do what you tell them to do or to fix something that you need fixing. If nothing needs fixing, there’s no need for conversation.