Screw thee before thee screws me

I’ve been extremely busy for the past few moons and haven’t had a chance to update here. Although I haven’t been completely silent as I did make a few remarks on my other “blog” of sorts. Actually it’s just a place for me to randomly inject noise into the web.

For my latest soap adventure, I behaved as any programmer would. I decided to use software at every step in the production, sale and shipping process. More commonly refered to as “Business Management” software, these are supposed to help you keep track of all your expenses, obligations, debts and customer managment. Think of it as retail Production + Point of Sale (in this case a web site) + CRM (Customer Relationship Management).

While researching for a good suite to manage all this, I came across a promising entity with quite a few big name companies using them. Let’s call this business management software company F.U. Corp because the last thing I want to do is give these idiots more business. Something I’m sure they can’t handle despite their designated industry.

F.U. Corp sounds really pretty

When I called up F.U. Corp, it was the best customer service I’ve ever experienced. And I don’t say that lightly. The representative was the friendliest lady I’ve spoken to in a while and seemed quite competent in her responses when I explained how far I’ve come and how far I need to go to finish making the business startup hurdles a thing of the past.

My only gripe at the time was that after the demo presentation, it would cost me $950+ including license fees to use the software suite should I decide to keep it.

F.U. Corp tech support is run by twelve year olds

Well, my plesant experience with F.U. Corp pretty much ended after that call. What followed was a demo and presentation that all but ruined my faith in almost all business management software. It was the most painfully convoluted, hidden cost ridden, security swiss cheese, broken bear trap I’ve ever had the displeasure of having to wade through.

I should have had the good sense to take the hint when when during the first installation on a fresh Windows XP Pro 32bit machine (as per their recommendation) the software stopped half way through management setup. For a second, I thought maybe I didn’t configure it properly. I even didn’t instally any anti virus software (also per their recommendation). I get really nervous when installations require that no AV software be present on the system instead of simply disabling them temporarily.

Au contrair, not only was Dingbat Corp tech support quick to point out that I had incorrectly installed the software (apparently there’s more to inserting a CD and clicking on “Install” that I wasn’t aware of), I had also had the wrong OS, the wrong systems settings and I had installed AV while sleep walking.

Let’s recap:
XP Pro 32-bit : Check
Fresh installation : Check
No AV protection : Check

Now they requested I enable Remote Desktop (there’s some more good news) so they can see, what “you did wrong”. Exact words.
After an uncomfortable silence, “hmm… well it looks like XP Pro 32 bit”. NO FECES SHERLOCK!
And the real kicker… “do you happen to have a Windows 2000 or Vista machine to test this? Maybe one of them will accept the installation.”

They still had the nerve to try and charge me for the tech support call even when the demo explicitly states that support calls are free for the first week of the demo and I have no obligation to keep it.

I would go on at length about the intricacies of their own unique flavor of business management, but I don’t think my blood pressure would endure.

Screw thee before thee screws me

(Should be the first commandment when dealing with fishy business.)

And so ended my relationship with F.U. Corp. Their whole presentation and demo package is going back tomorrow. I didn’t sign up to do their debugging and involuntary beta testing (which I’m sure that was what it was).

So I’m still where I began.

I may be desperate enough to turn to Microsoft’s Dynamics brand at this point. It might be the most bloated elephant crossed with a rhino in the world, but the bloody thing will at least be consistent. The only thing that might keeping me from persuing this is phpBMS.

Two things phpBMS is that Dynamics isn’t…

1) Open source, which means I have an option if what I want to modify it. And there’s no saying that I’ll keep things in exactly the same models Microsoft provides. One thing I learned from F.U. Corp, when you try to guess every instance and every possibility, you don’t account for any of them well. Better to stay flexible from the start. Also, it’s phpBMS and this would give me a rare opportunity to do some real world work with the language.

2) It’s free. And I is broke!

Two things that Dynamics is that phpBMS isn’t…

1) As feature rich. Which doesn’t really seem like a con at this point because I still have the option of adding modules, modifying the core or adding in functionality myself if necessary. I’m just concerned about how much time I’ll have to do just that though, since the day job is just as busy as the night job these days.

2) Have professional tech support. Call me old fashioned, but I prefer to talk to a person even if I have to pay extra for that. There’s just too much disconnect with email or message board threads. Plus a lot of times you have an immediate problem that needs to be resolved and even a few hours delay is unacceptable.

I’m also thinking of coming up with an in-house solution to all this, but again that would mean taking time away from my jobs. It may almost be worth it if I can come up with a decent piece of software. It would give me better content management and online integration options.

Photo Gallery / Picture viewer doesn’t work on the Desktop

This annoying little problem started quite recently. Probably due to some unknown update that installed itself overnight. Double-clicking on any image from PNG to GIF gives no results whatsoever. The photo gallery doesn’t even start.

The solution is to get rid of all the web links / URL shortcuts on the desktop (delete them or move them to a folder) and viola! You can double-click on images again.

I have no idea why this started this week. I’ve never run into anything similar with XP.

P.S.

I’m really buried in a project lately, which is why I haven’t been posting very much. But I have a new set of Sites and Movies of the week coming up.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Warning: The following was blatantly ripped off from somewhere. I can’t remember where exactly, but if you know, please post a comment with a link.

BARACK OBAMA:

The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a change! The chicken wanted change!

JOHN MC CAIN:

My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

HILLARY CLINTON:

When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure right from Day One! that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn’t about me.

GEORGE W. BUSH:

We don’t really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

DICK CHENEY:

Where’s my gun?

COLIN POWELL:

Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

BILL CLINTON:

I did not cross the road with that chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

AL GORE:

I invented the chicken.

JOHN KERRY:

Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken’s intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

AL SHARPTON:

Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.

DR. PHIL:

The problem we have here is that this chicken won’t realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he’s acting by not taking on his current problems before adding new problems.

OPRAH:

Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I’m going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

ANDERSON COOPER, CNN:

We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

NANCY GRACE:

That chicken crossed the road because he’s guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN:

To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART:

No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer’s Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

DR SEUSS:

Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I’ve not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY:

To die in the rain, alone.

JERRY FALWELL:

Because the chicken was gay! Can’t you people see the plain truth? That’s why they call it the other side. Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay, too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like the other side. That chicken should not be crossing the road. It’s as plain and as simple as that.

GRANDPA:

In my day we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS:

Isn’t that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.

ARISTOTLE:

It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

JOHN LENNON:

Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

BILL GATES:

I have just released eChicken 2008, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken 2008. This new platform is much more stable and will never crash or need to be rebooted.

ALBERT EINSTEIN:

Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

COLONEL SANDERS:

Did I miss one?

Jackson was murdered after all

By the liberal use of a litany of medications that would just make your head spin.

Somehow, this wasn’t too surprising. There’s only so much poision your system would take.

I don’t think any other case comes close to exemplifying the phrase “killed to death”.

Wikipedia Beta

Apparently Wikipedia is taking about a new initiative in usability. And it comes along with a fancy new theme as well.

The lines are a lot cleaner

Compare that with the current theme…

Boxy goodness

Of course I still have a problem with Wikipedia policy on exclusivity when it comes to what information is notable. This may be driven by their own technological limitations as we know there’s really no such thing as “unlimited”. I have a feeling this trend toward making knowledge spread like cocoa butter would similarly make it less intellectually nutritious.

Wikipedia may become what it despises the most… A collection of trivia.